Every time we celebrate a so called “milestone” birthday it comes with a series of expectations. We are supposed to feel different somehow. Precisely why I decided to wait for a bit after my 35th to post. Do I feel different? Honestly not at all. Have things been different? Of course. Life changes everyday not only on your birthday. When I turned 30 I was told that my life was going to change drastically.. That I was going to feel very different. That was a lie. I didn’t feel anymore different than when I got my period for the first time. Just annoyed because something happened or didn’t happen, whatever that was.
So when I turned 35 I felt absolutely nothing! Not older, not wiser, not anymore successful, not anymore decrepit or closer to death, not anymore responsible. Nothing! Mentally I was exactly the same as the day before. Physically… well that’s always hit or miss with me which I am used to. In this particular case I had managed to dislocate (not extremely) both of my wrists during a kick boxing session. So that particular day was just a bit more painful and uncomfortable than the day before since I was catering the party I was hosting.
Why are we so hung up on age? Does it really matter in the end? I don’t necessarily feel like I am in my mid 30s. I don’t feel like there are certain things that I cannot do anymore. I don’t feel like there are certain things that I should do. I just know what I want to do at this particular point in my life or rather I don’t really know. Lol. I do know that something in my life need to change but that I am the only one that can cause this change. Not a birthday!!!
What does it mean to be a 35 year old woman that is independent, career oriented, ambitious, world traveler and of course single without children? Why do I mention single without children? Because no matter how progressive we believe we are in 2017, sadly that is what people still think about. Yes you may be successful, you may have an amazing career, you travel quite a bit, your only responsibility is your own. But… you are a woman. You know what I say to that? Fuck stereotypes! Life is what you make of it.
You know what I did for my birthday? I bought myself a tattoo that exemplifies who I am and how far I have come. I do have a liking for tattoos. I cannot deny that. I have several. But my body is my instrument of expression as it has been for over 30 years, being a dancer… I have stretched it, bruised it, sliced it and diced it, taken it from one extreme to the next, pushed it to limits my brain thought was unimaginable. I have treated it badly but also venerated it. I have neglected it, beaten it down, punished it, poisoned it, intoxicated it, starved it, despised it and loathed it. But I have loved it. I have kept this engine going as without it I am nothing. I have fed it. I have kept it active to a degree that at times it was almost detrimental. I have made it resilient and rightfully so.
I have dealt with quite a lot over the years and continue to do so. Such is life. But had I not been as resilient I don’t believe I would have lasted this long. It may not be sustainable in the long run, but it is a great buffer for the short term.
So what happens now? Unfortunately my birthdays sometimes do come with milestones. Something life changing is always around the corner for me but each time I have a more enhanced mental awareness and a greater level of maturity that allows me to make better decisions for the here and now. I’ve stopped thinking about the future and trying to plan. Life is so unpredictable and I know that first hand. Why stress about the unknown? What a complete and utter waste of time if you ask me!