As promised I will go back to the beginning and continue my story on the making of a hot mess. I last ended around the time when I found out that I had endometriosis. I just wanted to back track a little bit and delve deeper into the symptoms I had once I hit puberty and got my period.
Unfortunately I cannot recall everything. But I do remember my mum taking me to the OBGYN within my first year of starting my periods. It was definitely due to severe pains or extreme bleeding as well as irregularity. So we went and the doctor did an ultrasound, not an internal one mind you. I would not have been able to have handled it back then. She hmmm and haad and then told us that my right ovary was underdeveloped. What they meant I have no clue. It didn’t seem to be an issue or concern and I believe that the assumption was that given time it would develop as it should. So that was that.
This was all during my last years of high school. Every time my period came, which thankfully at the time was every 3-5 months, it was a pain in my ass! With dance it was even more annoying. After struggling with dancing 6 days a week and only using pads, I attempted to use a tampon. Let’s just say it was an epic fail. We were on a school trip, the last of the year, to Tunisia. One of the best trips I’ve had to date. I was spotting, not bleeding profusely which was great. Considering we stayed one night in a different city, traveling by bus everywhere with questionable facilities along the way and on top of that we were all extremely constipated from our daily lunch ration of bread, soft cheese, and tomatoes. But I digress. So all of that combined was bad enough.
Our last day our flight was canceled so we got to stay an extra day in Hammamet. We just happened to be in a hotel that was by the beach and had a pool! A pool that was full, they weren’t all. Most pools had been drained due to the lack of visitors. So of course we all wanted to go swimming. But what was I to do? The only tampons my friends had were OBs. They gave me one and I looked at it carefully. This short, air tight, white tube no bigger than my thumb… and what do I do with this exactly?? You put it inside your vagina of course. Of course! Piece of cake. Lol!
So there I was in the bathroom of the hotel room. My friends were outside the door trying to be encouraging and instructive; sorry guys you weren’t much use at all. Long story short, I gave up. It was too complicated and painful.
The next time I attempted to insert a tampon was about a year later when I was at uni. We had a dance performance and that night my period decided to show up. Keep in mind I was very irregular so it was always a surprise. It was fight or flight. I asked a fellow dancer for supplies and she only had a tampon. So there I was, minutes to showtime. Fuck it. That thing was going in there one way or another. Let me just say that I didn’t quite do it the right way and had to suffer through a couple of hours of performance with a lopsided tampon in my vagina. Not the most comfortable position to be in.
I will point out that 18 years later the struggle with the tampon continues. I was very impressed by the discovery of super large tampons. When you bleed as much as I do, anything is exciting. Super large. Hmmmm. The first time I tried one I was very uncomfortable. Usually you don’t feel the tampon once inserted. But this time I definitely could. Eventually the sensation goes away but you do not shy away from the fact that you have an object as wide as a popsicle inside your vagina.
As amazing as was the discovery of the tampon it never gets easier for me. I still find them to be a nuisance but there are times when I cannot do without. The joy of being a woman. Fuck that shit. I didn’t ask for this shit!