#Barely Scraping By: Mar. 23 –Mar. 30, 2015


#Bone marrow biopsy day…

At the hospital at 830am, left at 1930pm.

Put me to sleep, it was great. Had to add extra dose cuz as usual it wasn’t enough.

They gave me #fentanyl and #propofol. Good stuff!

Waited until 1520pm for them to do it though.

Was really nervous and anxious but got through it.

In a lot of pain. Took too many different meds to numb the pain but just made me nauseous.

Been watching game of thrones.

Don’t know how I will sleep tonight…. Ugh!



Have 90 left on ccard.

Still in loads of #pain. Have to deal with hotel #bullshit… #Irritated. Sister was supposed to do the power of attorney but so much for that. I’m dealing with all this shit anyhow.

So tired. Will take a nap maybe.

Pain isn’t going away…

Not much appetite today. Had salad, some fruit and yogurt, the tuna sandwich but all out me off. Have a headache too.

No news about hotel yet

Moving closer finally! Fucking idiots! Took them long enough to understand…

Felt nauseous and sick. Notice that it’s been happening to me every time I get #anesthesia, I feel #sick the next day… Maybe it’s the #nausea of having yet another procedure.

Ai! I need some space and quiet time. Some me time. I appreciate him being here whole heartedly. I really do. But, ##fuck me for ever telling anyone. That’s how I feel at times cuz now I can #never be left alone. I will never be left alone, unless I have a class or something. Or am in the bathroom.

Feeling #sick. Need to #sleep.



Have 59 left on ccard.

135 on debit – took out cash instead.

Going to get hair done.


Call with #Human Resources:

Evacuation will end but need recommendation from doc. transfer later if no immediate treatment is needed.

Immediate treatment: Doc appt: speak to #ISOS (International SOS team in London) doc get written report. Can go back and forth maybe.

Reimbursements: meals, taxis, laundry, groceries,

All actual costs – once I return from evacuation I can file SOE.

Get longer term and get a 50% per diem no receipts necessary. But need receipts to cover anything extra.


Hannie was being a dick so went to dinner with Zoe. Then came back to the hotel and had a bunch of drinks.



Slept until about 15pm…

Not really talking to Hannie.

Need to go get food and groceries.

Talking to Azza on the phone.

Good chat.

Went and got groceries and food.

Hannie left for his hair appointment.

At the bar now having a #drink and working on my #book :).

Trying to avoid scary guy from yesterday… Gross.

Had dinner then went back to the bar twice.

Time for bed.

Feeling #sad and #alone.



Got my flat iron I ordered.

Doing shit on the computer.

I think I’m #depressed.



Today is the #EndoMarch. Hannie is here with me. Still feeling bitter towards him but at least he’s here #showing support. Can’t be mad at that. Feeling anxious. It’s cold and windy just like last year… But it’s all worth it. Had a shit sandwich at Starbucks but will walk it off so all ok. #Drinking too much but only way to keep my mind off of Monday. Tired of waiting.

Have neg on ccard.

About 40 on debit and $300 on other (£200).



I’m officially #broke.

Have £25 in my bank account.

Used £5 for the metro.

6.99 TL on my Turkish credit card.

$375 on US (£50).

Going to Cookies for dinner.

Overall in a #shit mood.

Tomorrow can’t come fast enough. Haven’t really posted and not interested in doing so.

Want to sleep for days but can’t.

Tomorrow I have my shrink appointment, then doc, then who knows….


Hannie is still acting like a stubborn a spoiled baby. Never once heard a thank you. So over it. I’m d#one. This is BS.

At the bar drinking again.

I think I’m finally starting to crack.

I can’t be strong anymore

Have shrink tomorrow. Need a cry. Drinking my life away. A friend tried talking to me about religion. #Kiss my ass. I’m cursed and ‘God’ #hates me. Plain and simple…

I’m #bored. #Restless. Tired of this #nonsensical routine. Need something to do.



Have £20 on my debit.

£259 on my Turkish credit card.

$139 on US (£90) – transferred other $1000- which will have access to tomorrow.

Where is my paycheck? Getting paid today.

Have therapy appointment.

Therapy went well. My therapist suggested I speak to Hannie. I did. Apparently he’s in a #funk cuz he’s off his meds. I’m still annoyed. I don’t want to be around anyone.

Saw my doctor. Officially stage 1.

Saw the radiologist and will have a CT scan tomorrow to figure out how many sessions.

Finally spoke to mom and auntie H. Both cried but are ok that they heard my voice. Will keep them reassured.

Going to grab a drink and then get food.

Now he (Hannie) wants to step in and provide input….

Then still has the nerve to talk shit to me…. Wow. Argued over crap. So done.

Dad is arriving tomorrow. Great…

£258 left on card.

Have £220 left on card need £100 cash to take out.

Arguing with Hannie over #life.

So much for having a talk with him. He’s an immature child that will never grow up or take responsibility. It’s all my fault.

I’m mean. Whatever. Don’t give a shit anymore. So over it and this family. All #selfish.

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