#Decisions-and-Denial: Feb. 26 – Mar. 2, 2015

It was time to take #action. I had received my initial #diagnosis, but I was still not ready to accept it. I needed a second opinion.



Back at work for a few days. Lots to do and calls to make.

Start Turkish lessons today…

Met with #endocrinologist – will lower dose of #meds – was throwing up…. (This bit refers to Metformin which I was taking for my #PCOS – Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome – which causes insulin resistance. I will talk more about this later on in my story.)



More #blood work and #bone density test results.

Therapy session: #emotionally I’m #numb. In #survival mode and doing what I have to do. Will emotions ever surface? Maybe not. I don’t feel sorry for myself I feel sorry for those around me who are more upset and worried than I am. Maybe that’s a good thing. They are# worrying enough for me so I don’t have to. I’m learning to accept and ask for help. Receive it willingly even though now it’s overwhelming. So much attention than I’ve ever had. But getting easier to share my story. Why? I guess I don’t #care anymore. It is what it is. People can do what they want with the information I guess… My responsibility ends after I tell them.



Leave for UK.

Spoke to Hannie and Azza. They want me to consider# treatment in the US. I don’t know. What difference does it make? Istanbul is my home now. I’m not sure I want to be in someone else’s space… Will really have to think about it.

Azza understandably was #upset. Everyone is except for me. Maybe there are taking on my pain, as I can’t digest it right now. I’m tired.



Spoke with friends in Texas. They are insistent about the MD Anderson center in Houston. Seems like a really great place and I would be in the US. Am considering it…



Got waxed and first round of laser removal (Figured I would give it a try. Hurt like hell!) Still very #tired. Take naps during the day.

Saw Zoe. She was amazing as always. Going to write a book. Include my notes and memoirs.



Up at 6. Sleeping is still off.

Appointment with the doctor at 830am.

Not what I expected. 2 completely opposite views and he thinks it could be a #contagious stage 2 but wants to watch and wait for 3 months then do an ultrasound. Was on the phone with MD Anderson and Cigna trying to get the bureaucratic #bullshit out the way so I can get my appointment next week. Hope to hear from them in a couple of days.

I’m not convinced about watching and waiting. I don’t know actually what I want to do.

I cancelled my #surgery.

Saw Emilie and told her. Of course she was upset as well. No one wants to hear that their friend is #sick. I don’t even want to hear it. But I have to deal with it. It’s my body and I need to figure out what I want to do…

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